It comes down to five things:1. tell the truth, 2. share fairly, 3. be thankful, 4. help others and 5. move forward.
If your service provider fails on any of these things, they need to repair themselves before they can be more than superficially helpful. If they don’t want to fix deficits in any one of these areas, you should seek another service provider.
If they aren’t telling the truth (as you understand it), then they’re not “pulling in the same direction as you are” and that means that to some extent, they’re pulling against you. You can’t have that. If you give them material to learn and they ignore it, or disagree with it (and can’t convince you that they’re right), it’s time to seek help elsewhere. Sometimes, your own sense of right and wrong is more on-target than the sense that a stranger has, based on their necessarily more-limited understanding of “the way it is” with your child.
If they’re not expecting you to share the responsibility for helping your child fairly (if they’re “doing all the work” and letting you think that you’re not a necessary part of the treatment program), then they’re giving you a false idea of your own importance and value in your child’s life. If they’re expecting you to “do all the work” they’re not fulfilling their responsibility as a professional service provider. There has to be balance in the delivery of treatment for it to be optimally successful.
If they’re not thankful to be helping you, they don’t deserve the opportunity to offer help to you (or anyone else). The least they can be is thankful for your trust and strive to repay your trust by working diligently (and without complaints or sloth) to do the best they can for you and your child. Late arrivals for scheduled appointments is the first sign that they’re not thankful enough.
If they’re not helping, they’re not using their time, your time, or your child’s time productively. If they’re willing to use their time nonproductively, they should use it somewhere else.
If they’re not showing that they are helping you and your child move forward, they have to go back to the drawing board to come up with a better plan to do so. If they want you to be content to “keep things stable” then they want you to be satisfied with the illusion of treatment.Steve Kossor Founder and Executive Director The Institute for Behavior Change www.ibc-pa.org